“The root cause of reluctance to seek counseling” (06.16.2024)

[Pastor Stephen Yang’s ‘Christian Faith Column’]

“The root cause of reluctance to seek counseling”

Written by/Pastor Stephen Yang

Senior Pastor, Goback Church

http://gobackchurch.org

 I have lived in Korea for 40 years and have lived here for 17 years since immigrating to the United States in 2007.

When I look back on my life in Korea, it was a truly busy and tiring time, and it was a time 

when I lived only with success in mind.

I feel like I have never had a moment of leisurely rest, making me wonder why I lived so hard.

Maybe that's why I had no idea at the time about the problems I had with myself, my family, and my close relatives.

And I lived without feeling any problems with my faith.

However, after immigrating to the United States, all of those problems clearly dealt a fatal blow to my life and soul.

Problems that had never been seen in Korea began to become evident here and there.

First of all, I realized that there was a serious problem with my faith in the Lord.

I found out that everything I was 100% sure of was all my illusions.

For example, I realized that the ministries I carried out with all my heart for God were also partly for my glory and honor.

Immediately after immigrating to the United States, I realized that the events, missions, worship, prayers, volunteer work, evangelism, and donations that I held out of pure and sincere love for the Lord were not 100% for the Lord. 

I began to weep and repent.

For a month, I cried and repented every morning like that.

After that happened, I lost confidence in myself.

I began to doubt everything about me: my thoughts, my judgment, my beliefs, my convictions, my experiences, my convictions, etc.

I even began to suspect that my spiritual experiences, which were certain even after thinking about them over and over again, might have been mistaken on my part.

Furthermore, I threw away all the wealth and honor I had in Korea, and in obedience to the Lord's command, I denied and doubted even the possibility of immigrating as a missionary to the United States without any connections or guarantees.

Because, even that might have been my imagination and I suspected that I might have lost my mind for a moment and been possessed by a ghost.

As a result, I began to distrust everything I had learned, mastered, and believed in over the past 40 years of my life.

So I wanted to listen to what others had to say. What do other people think of this? What do other people think of me?

What would other people say about my actions? Also, what thoughts, what judgments, and what convictions do they have as they live their lives? Are they confident in their judgment? So, is that judgment really the right one? Or are you living in your own illusion?

Not long after immigrating, I developed a desire to receive counseling.

It wasn't that I wanted to pick out this or that topic in particular, but I wanted to get advice on everything in my life in general.

Because I couldn't be confident of anything.

--- To be continued next week ---